I love black thongs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
