The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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