do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
