I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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