i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
