we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
