K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
