Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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