nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
