every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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