wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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