I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
