It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
