so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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