Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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