oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
