ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
