she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
