the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
