haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
