Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
