Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
