Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you traded sex for a burrito?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
