Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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