hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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