You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
