They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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