Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
