apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
