I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Vodka?
Forever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
