There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
