then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just want nice things and good sex
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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