I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
