dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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