I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're completely useless in the revolution.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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