I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
