didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
