i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
