I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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