so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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