Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
