My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
