She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
