when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
