i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
