Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
