ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
