Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
