return my video game
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
