Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
