I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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