pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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